Interviewed by SNK
“I knew something was wrong with my body but didn’t expect it to be pregnancy – I was absolutely terrified”
Daniella, 27, She/Her, Retail Management, 1 Child (Age 4), Co-parenting
Straight to the nitty gritty, how did you find out you were pregnant?
I found out when I was 5 months in – I knew something was wrong with my body but didn’t expect it to be pregnancy. I was absolutely terrified. I wasn’t sure how I was going to support this child and since I had just finished University, my life was really just beginning. It was something I had to accept but honestly, I wouldn’t change a thing about it all.
How long were you in labour and what are three things every mum should pack in their labour bag?
My labour was 18 hours and I spent most of it at home. 1) Comfy slippers – something easy to take off and put on. 2) Hair ties and loads of them! For some reason you keep loosing them. 3) Snacks for yourself and your birthing partner. You really don’t know how long you’re going to be there for and the last thing you want are hangry humans or a hangry mama.
Has motherhood changed how you view yourself as a womxn?
Yes, I have found a new type of respect for myself and I am always finding ways to improve myself for my daughter. I’ve found that I am more confident as a woman now because to her, I am afraid of nothing and as a woman I should fear nothing.
What does your morning routine look like?
My mornings are very different. I try to start by getting up before her so I have a cup of hot tea and get myself ready. But in reality I wake up to “mummy, my tummy is hungry – can I have toast please?” Then I usually try and do a bit of her homework thats been set that week or an activity. Her school sends us letters and numbers of the week, so I base the activity around that. While I’m getting ready, I let her play independently so I can have a few minutes to take care of myself. I then get her ready for school.
How would you describe her in one sentence?
The Constantly Hungry Princess.
What’s her favourite snack?
My 4 year old loves pom bears! Its not the greatest thing to give kids but if we’re on the go I always have a packet in my bag ready for her. Welch’s Fruit Snacks would be another go-to! Strawberries and chopped grapes are something we love too but it demands preparation beforehand.
What’s a common mistake you think new mums tend to make?
Google is not friend! Googling your child’s symptoms in no way will help. Contact your community midwife or 111 if you have any worries about your child. Every child is different and we all parent differently.
I often hear life for new mums can get lonely – did you experience this at all? If so, how was that and how did you tackle it?
It can be lonely, I was really lucky that my friends were really supportive in terms of making sure I’m always involved in everything. Once I moved out of London, that made life a little bit more difficult. We did regular FaceTime calls and whenever I could visit London I would.
It was really hard to make friends where I moved to, there was this massive age gap between me and the other parents that took their children to playgroup. My own anxiety and reaction to judgement really made things difficult in attempting to make friends with other parents.
What about dating or romantic relationships, hows that been for you since becoming a mum?
My daughter’s father and I found it really difficult to maintain a relationship after having a child. We really tried but we ended up parting ways.
Dating with a child has really been… an experience. You go into the dating world thinking, who’s actually going to want to date you? Then you mention you have a child and they automatically disappear. But, its a really nice way to eliminate who’s going to waste your time and who isn’t. Communication now is such an important and necessary thing when dating as a parent. When it comes to expressing how you feel or your intentions to even arranging dates and trips. It is completely necessary. We’re not mind readers! We don’t know what our partners are thinking or feeling, but communicating that can improve not only the understanding between both but also works around date nights and intimacy.
What ways do you ensure you’re still looking after yourself while looking after the little one?
Once she’s in bed and asleep, it’s my time. My time to watch tv, do a face mask, eat some ice cream or popcorn. It is my quiet time. I also have a great co-parenting relationship with her dad -so on days that he has her I do things I love. I also get my nails done while she’s at school if I don’t have work or errands to run, It makes me feel put together.
If you had to pick, what has been the most fulfilling/best thing about motherhood?
Just the smile on her face everyday and hearing the word ‘mummy’ is such a fulfilling thing. You are that little person’s mummy and no one can take that way from you.
How about one of the hardest parts of motherhood?
If I had to pick one, it would have to be separating from her dad. That was really difficult because there is no way to explain that to a child. I really had to pull it all together so it wouldn’t affect her mentally.
Finally, any words of advice to expecting or hopeful mums out there?
Do whatever is right for you and your baby. There is no right or wrong way to be a mother. Set your own boundaries for your family and remember that you too need a break from being a mum.
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