Interviewed by SNK
This is part two of our motherhood series,
in this interview we discuss how Skye has adpated to motherhood.
“Watching their little personality shine through more and more everyday, it’s literally like watching my heart beat out of my body. Best feeling ever”
Skye, 27, She/Her, Full-time Mummy, 1 Child (1 year 2 months), Nuclear Family
HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT?
I have PCOS, so my periods are either always late or never show up and it had been about 5 months since I’d had one. I was having unprotected sex with a guy I was seeing and we’d only known each other for about 2 months at the time (big up tinder). But because I didn’t have a period for like 5 months I told him, “it’s fine I’m not fertile or anything, I haven’t had a period in ages!” LOL. How uneducated was I!? I started to feel really unwell so I called the doctors. They had asked me if there was any chance i could be pregnant…. I said no! So the doctor prescribed me pills I have taken before, usually by day 4 I start to feel better and it should bring on a ‘period’, but I was feeling worse. I started feeling really sick, which is normal for me as I have IBS, but my boobs were hurting. I was falling asleep at the drop of a hat during the day and I was finding it hard to eat certain things. The guy that I was seeing told me to just take a pregnancy test to be on the safe side and rule it out. I said cool, went to the corner shop in my pjs as you do, came back then ran upstairs. I was so sure it was going to be negative. I sat on the toilet, peed into a container and popped the pregnancy test in. You usually have to wait like 5 mins but wow, as soon as my pee hit that stick, the two lines were screaming at me! I literally rubbed my eyes, and immediately started panicking saying “no no no no no” under my breath. I was honestly thinking I’ve know this guy for like 2 months I can’t have a baby with him surely… it can’t be my destiny.. this is not what my future looked like in my head. I collapsed into tears telling my mum that it was positive and she had no idea what I was on about so I showed her. She couldn’t contain her excitement to be honest (she’d been waiting to be a nana for a long time lol). But she calmed me down and told me to take another one because I was convinced it was wrong. I did the other one and it was positive again of course. Called the guy I was seeing and he came straight away.
HOW LONG WAS YOUR LABOUR AND WHAT THREE LABOUR BAG ESSENTIALS?
24hours. 1) lip balm (lips get soooo dry trust me), extra and *comfortable* maternity pads (please make sure they are comfortable!!) and energy snacks, loads of them!!!
WHAT DOES YOUR MORNING ROUTINE LOOK LIKE?
Wake up, 7:30-9am (depending on what time baby girl wakes up) give her morning cuddles, change her nappy, feed her breakfast and put her in her walker with some bear in the big blue house on. I eat my breakfast while she’s happily eating a rusk and once that’s done she plays either in her ball pit or just causes havok in her walker lol. I tidy up maybe sterilise her bottles if they need it, or if i was to tired to do it then, clean up from night befores dinner.
DID YOU EXPERIENCE LONLINESS AS A NEW MUM?
I was a little bit worried but none of my friends have treated me any differently (my girls are everything!!!) All of my girls have supported me through my whole pregnancy and post-partum, I couldn’t of been blessed with better friends, they are my family. As for my blood family!! Apart from immediate, yes the dynamic has changed a lot and it’s shocked me to be honest, I feel ignored now since I’ve had a baby.. quite strange really but yeah I don’t really dwell on it like I used to. At first it bothered me so much it was affecting my mental health, but then I spoke to quite a few people about it and they kept telling me, don’t worry about other people even if they are ‘family’, whoever’s there for you and your baby matters more than who isn’t. I remember one day when my family all gathered for something, one of my cousins said hello to my baby but completely ignored me. I thought ok maybe they didn’t see me, so I said oh hi, sorry I didn’t even say hello to you properly, they then said “oh I said hi to your baby, same thing really”. People don’t realise that yes the baby’s new and it’s lovely to be excited, but honestly the mums go through a whole new life change and experience that they are adjusting to and they don’t even bother to check in with them.
WHAT WAYS DO YOU THEN ENSURE YOU’RE LOOKING AFTER YOURSELF WHILE LOOKING AFTER THE LITTLE ONE?
I have had 2 types of therapy since having my baby. My mum also has her once a week for us and that time I actually should use it purely for me (sometimes I do) but a lot of the time I use it to catch up on washing, housework or sleep.
IN YOUR OPINION, WHATS A COMMON MISTAKE NEW MUMS MAKE?
Loads of newborn clothes, branded clothes (babies grow overnight literally), breast is best (no, whatever you choose for your baby is best, you will still bond with your baby the same way and your baby will grow exactly the same either way!). Don’t be scared to put your baby down (as long as they are secure and safe) and don’t be scared to cuddle them too much, whatever suits you best!!
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR DAUGHTER?
My reason for everything, my life, my world, my beautiful, funny, courageous, sassy little princess.
WHAT ARE HER GO TO SNACKS?
Cucumber sticks, yogurt, tomato and basil puffs, skips and fox’s shortbread chocolate fingers
HOW HAS YOUR ROMANTIC RELATIONHSHIP BEEN SINCE BECOMING A MUM?
Probably one of the biggest challenges in my life is making sure my partner and I remember who we were before we had our daughter. From the moment I met my partner we didn’t spend any time apart really. We saw one another everyday and it was amazing but shit got real, REAL quick for us. We’ve made sure from the start not to co-sleep (nothing against it) with our daughter unless she’s been unwell. We wanted to make sure that we had our bed to ourselves rather than a baby in between and that’s helped a lot. Also, date nights when she’s been at my mum and dads, and just conversations about how we are going to still show one another that we do care and we do still love one another. Don’t get me wrong it’s been difficult to say the least because you get tired a lot when you’re a first time parent, and we both like our sleep. So there’s been lots of heavy talks and arguments but we’ve always worked through it and it does get easier but you have to keep working at it and keep communicating.
IF YOU HAD TO PICK, WHAT HAS BEEN THE HARDEST PART OF MOTHERHOOD?
Definitely post-partum recovery is the number 1 biggest challenge of my life (and I thought labour was the scary part). My new found extreme fear of pretty much every bad thing going and my daughter saying dada before mama LOL. She’s starting to become a daddy’s girl, all she wants is him and it’s cute but I can’t help but get a little envious of her wanting him more than she wants me lol. I’m like “NO YOU’RE MINE, NOONE ELSE’S” (in my head lol). Mum guilt is a new one too, it’s such a weird feeling all I can describe it as, is you do anything for yourself, literally anything (even shower sometimes) and you feel bad because you’re doing this one thing for yourself, it’s actually mad!! And the patience, I didn’t have much before having my baby but I’m learning, but damn it’s hard especially when they go through sleep regression and all you wanna do is sleep after that 3am night feed. I definitely do not have the time to make sure my skin is being looked after my eczema has got progressively worse since having my daughter and also my hair too, and I was quite big on both before I had a child. Sometimes it gets me down especially my weight but then I just have to think to myself ‘I made a whole human’ be easy on yourself.. it helps but I quickly go back to thinking oh I should be working out to get rid of this tummy. I think social media is so toxic when it comes to postpartum, it’s getting better with mental health but still bad with making you think you have to snap back to size 8-10.
AND IF YOU HAD TO PICK THE MOST FULFILLING PART?
Waking up to a happy smiling baby everyday, knowing that you’re putting that smile on their face and watching their little personality shine through more and more everyday. It’s literally like watching my heart beat out of my body. Best feeling ever. Also watching them learn new things everyday and watching their firsts for everything, we are now waiting for her first steps and I honestly can’t wait!!!
HAS MOTHERHOOD CHANGED HOW YOU VIEW YOURSELF AS A WOMXN?
Yes! It’s changed me in two ways. First, I’ll never be the same person as I was before and in a way it saddens me but in another it makes me smile. Second, I feel like this superwoman and I feel like I’ve always had this power but it took childbirth for me to realise I had it lol. for my body to go through all of that and then to be looking after and nurturing a new born baby, is actually out of this world incredible. Sometimes, in certain instances I do miss my old life. Like being able to sleep whenever I wanted to, go out with my friends whenever I wanted to, binge watch Netflix whenever I wanted, go on dates with my partner whenever we wanted, go away on holiday without having to think about all the baby stuff we’d have to bring with us, leaving the house having brushed my hair and washed my face on time for appointments etc. But I knew having a baby would mean that all of that would stop being whenever I wanted to, to whenever I could actually do it and that’s fine, because what I have now doesn’t compare to any of that stuff, it doesn’t even come near to what I did before, now my life actually has purpose, whereas before if I was completely honest, I was lost and it didn’t have any meaning really, That is why I smile today. I’m a woman and I never really took that in before I had a baby. That’s a strong title that I hope I continue to honour throughout my life and teach my daughter the same.
A WORD OF ADVICE FOR ANY EXPECTING OR HOPEFUL MOTHERS?
Please don’t listen to horror labour stories or post partum stories. Nobody can prepare you for motherhood, people can advise you yes, but really prepare you? No. Every person’s story is unique to them. Everyone’s pregnancy, labour, birth and post partum is different. Stand your ground if you’re not happy with your midwife during labour, please speak up! I wish I did. Also be easy on yourself, it’s ok to cry when you’re pregnant because you’re scared or you feel like it’s too much, we will never stop crying trust me hormones or not. Enjoy every moment you can even if you’re having a difficult pregnancy, someone said to me you’ll miss being pregnant and I didn’t believe them because I was so uncomfortable but I did. Also, don’t listen to negative people, don’t listen to new mums that put other new mums down (I’ve met a few) you know you and your baby best don’t let anyone tell you differently even family! For all the expecting mums and hopeful mums, I wish you all nothing but the best!
The Powder Room 