Lockdown Made Me Do It : The ins and outs of dating apps

I wouldn’t class myself as a serial dater but rather a serial dating app user. The gag is that I don’t even enjoy dating yet I still find myself reinstalling apps at 2am. Maybe it’s the lack of human interaction or a dire need of distraction from the horrors of day to day life. I mean we are in a panoramic after all and there’s only so many Netflix shows one can watch. Considering the massive spike in dating app users, I’m not alone in this. On a quiet Sunday in March, over 3 billion profiles were swiped on Tinder worldwide, a record high for the app in a single day. So, if you’re thinking about joining the masses or need to freshen up your swipe game. This is for you. 

What’s so great about dating apps anyway?

I could go on about the negatives of dating apps for hours but there are a few positives which shouldn’t go unmentioned. Here are all the dating apps I have ever used in no particular order: Bumble, Tinder, Muzmatch, Badoo, Happn, Hinge, Her, Salaams (Minder), Taimi and Facebook Dating. Yeah…it’s a lot. New to scene is Facebook Dating and it actually isn’t bad. It’s incorporated in the Facebook app itself and currently offers all the perks mainstream apps usually charge you for. Like other apps, no one can see you’ve created a profile unless they’ve joined themselves. So you might as well have a gander. All the apps above are free to download and I strongly suggest utilizing the free trials for premium settings because they cost more than they’re worth. I should know. I’ve paid the price. 

It’s pretty clear that dating apps have officially changed the game and I’m not completely angry about it. One thing you can’t knock about dating apps is that they’re convenient. You literally have a catalogue of suitors at the tip of your fingers. It doesn’t get any easier than someone laying out their best attributes for you. Their hobbies, their interests and sometimes even their sexual preferences. If it’s down your alley, you spark a conversation. If not, no problem! Just swipe and keep it stepping. I find that people on dating apps are a lot more straightforward with what they like and what they’re looking for. I’ve matched with people who open conversations with, “just looking to have sex tonight, you in?”. You’re alright mate but I respect the honesty. Most apps give you the options of whether you’re looking for a relationship, something casual or marriage. You can even specify the time span you want to be married in. This does take away some of the romance that comes with dating and getting to know someone. But if you flip the coin, it lessens the chances of heartbreak and having your time wasted. Some other preference settings are religious beliefs, height, distance, age, political views, kids and if you’re a drinker/smoker. I suggest playing around with your preference settings, it’s honestly my favourite thing to do. One minute I’m talking to a creative cutie with bangs the next I’m talking to somebody’s father. You have the option of filtering out the kind of person you’re looking for. I used to have my height preference set to taller than 5’6 only. Who is going to fight me? 

I’ve realised that dating apps have strangely upped my confidence. Shooting my shot irl doesn’t come easy. I am one of the misguided few who think a short glance is enough to let a person know that I’m interested in them. Seriously, it’s subtle to the point of no existence. When I think back to the people I’ve approached there is one common denominator. Alcohol. It’s true when they say the confidence alcohol gives you is scary and I needed a way to put myself out there which didn’t come with a deadly hangover. I’ve found that the more I’ve spoken to people on dating apps, the more confident I’ve become and vocal on what I want. I’m currently enjoying exchanging voice notes. The conversations flow better and it eases you into pillow talk phone calls. So if you need some practice outside of the platonic realm, I suggest trying out a dating app. Just make sure while you’re swiping away you’re taking care of yourself. Rejection can affect your self-esteem and possibly trigger some insecurities. If at any point you feel this way, please delete your profile. Simon, 21 from Bristol not matching you is not worth your mental health. 

Getting your profile noticed

The one golden rule: avoid using group photos as your main photo. Users are less likely to expand your profile if you do so. We’re a lazy folk and having to play a game of guess who just isn’t it. Personally, I avoid using them completely and your friends or family may not feel comfortable having their photos on an app full of strangers. Since the pythagoras, masked photos have become a thing. Let’s not do that. Choose your pictures wisely, of course you want to use clear high-quality photos. But also, ones which show off your personality. If you’re a performer, into a certain sport, a plant parent or a fan of travel. These are the sort of photos you want to use. On a biased note: Stop using your cute doggos as thirst traps! Please. 

Okay, so you’ve uploaded your best pics now comes your bio. Bios are probably the section people dread the most. As a seasoned dating app user, I can definitely tell you, having a bio is better than no bio at all. People are trying to get to know you, so leaving it blank or writing ‘swipe right to find out’ is a huge no-no. You can keep it basic like what you do, your favourite movies, hobbies etc. This is going to sound weird but personality traits and star signs are on trend right now. I’m a big fan of people who actually write personalised bios and not just the generic crap everyone seems to copy and paste nowadays. “6’0 without heels”, give it a rest. Most dating apps let you connect your Instagram and/or Spotify to your profile. This is another thing I’m a big fan of, firstly I know you’re not a catfish and I have more photos to flick through. Secondly, I love seeing the music people are into. You always need a good music plug or you may already have some in common. 

The rest is relatively easy! Starting a conversation can be intimidating but what’s the worst that can happen? Bumble helps with this a lot if you’re a womxn looking for a mxn because you have to message first. I usually scan the person’s profile to try and find conversation starters. Honesty isn’t always the best policy but in this case it is. Yes, you want to come across as interesting but do not fabricate your identity. Purposely withholding information such as being a parent or in a non-monogamous relationship isn’t fair on anyone, including yourself. If someone isn’t interested in you because of a certain aspect of your life, then that isn’t someone you want to be dealing with. As cliché as it may sound, let people accept you for who you are. Whatever it is, own it and fuck anyone who has a problem with it. 

Is it worth the hype? 

Just because people around you are on dating apps doesn’t mean you have to be. I’ve only met a small few who have actually ended up in relationships or seen someone more than once. So, don’t feel pressured to go with the crowd because to be honest you’re not missing out on much. Do I think everyone should try it at least once? Yeah, definitely. You don’t even have to use dating apps for dating. I’ve come across people who are looking to form platonic friendships. Bumble actually has a section exclusively for people looking to meet new friends. Apps like Her have a ‘just looking for friends’ icon to show in your bio. What you don’t want to do however, is use dating apps as a marketing tool. I know it sounds crazy but there are people treating dating apps like Dragon’s Den. I matched with an actor a while back and the first and only thing he sent me was a link to his IMDB. No hi, how are you. Just the link. I literally laughed my head off. I did end up watching his acting reel (I’m the cat curiosity is gunning to kill) and it truly wasn’t anything to be sending people unprovoked. 

Always remember these are still just strangers you’ve met over the internet. Beware of scammers and never share information you don’t feel comfortable sharing. If you’re not ready to meet people irl, don’t feel pressured to. You don’t owe anyone anything. There’s a literal Panasonic outside! Hello! Whenever it’s safe to, keep your first couple of dates public. You can end up in the bedroom just avoid starting out there (for the sake of your safety). Make sure your close ones are in the loop and aware of where you are and who you’re meeting. 

Happy Swiping.